I breathe. Slow & steady. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I don’t have time to….
The energy required to parent three boys is well….I can’t even describe it. You only really get it if you are another mom of these small little balls of energy. On a normal day, I’m good…..excited, energized, enthusiastic about looking for bugs, sock wrestling, obstacle courses, soccer playing, riding bikes to the park….all in the span of 3 hours. But pregnant is just not normal. Pregnant and parenting 3 boys…..breathe. Breathe so I don’t pass out. Breathe so I don’t get angry. Breathe so I don’t have a total breakdown over the little peanut butter fingers that graze my freshly washed & bleached white slipcovered couch. (Okay, if you don’t have a white slipcovered couch, you can judge all you want, but it is ingenious, I promise. It’s the only color I can bleach out the marks of the little people. Don’t knock it till you try it!!) Pregnant, and parenting three boys, and planning VBS, now we’re just off our rocker. Some kind of crazy, I know.
I was having one of those nights….where breathing needed to happen. I went to our monthly prayer and praise service dry and weary. I was hungry to be restored. I journaled, I sang, I prayed, I wept out of sheer exhaustion. And I leaned heavy on the body of Christ. It was the latter that mended my soul. I sat with two of the people I respect most in our church body, a married couple, who have been through pains and trials, who have raised children, who have a marriage that gives the rest of us hope that love grows deep and wide and long and high with each new day and season. And one question came roaring from my heart, how did you do it? How did you balance it all and keep the most important things the most important? And while on a normal, non pregnant day, I am a Bible timelining, alphabet adventuring kind of gal….I needed her quiet words of reassurance to pave the way for my heart to breathe. “Do you pray with them at night?” she asked peacefully. Yes. “Do you read the Word together as a family?” Yes. “Then rest easy dear one, the Word is living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword.” Life. Breath. His Word never returns void. Amen. Amen. Amen.
The roar of my husband filled the house tonight with little boys screaming and giggling to his heavy monster like footsteps searching for prey to tickle as I washed the dishes and started prepping for dinner tomorrow. I then snuggled deep next to the oldest with Stevenson’s Treasure Island and we read and talked and dreamed and prayed. And my heart breathes, resting in the little I offer, trusting that the same Christ who took the bread and loaves and multiplied them will take my efforts and bear fruit. Fruit that will grow and last and plant again. And I give thanks.